Wednesday, May 30, 2007

You Know You're a Peak Oil Doomer When.....

...you are seriously considering dandelion greens as a side for your
supper because you can't stand the fact that the plastic wrapped
lettuce in your supermarket has traveled over 2,000 miles and the
local Farmer's Market hasn't opened up for business yet.

...you observe cicadas for the propective protein they might deliver
to your body in a fast crash scenario.

...you start using your dishwater to water the container plants on
the deck.

...you travel long distances only out of necessity, observe the
suburban sprawl development and visualize the chaos that will ensue
in those neighborhoods for lack of transportation, electricity, heat,
and water.

...it's a windy day and you contemplate whether or not a wind turbine
would be feasible in the area, and you wonder why nobody has any
erected yet.

...you're on a trip, you're spending the night in a hotel, and you're
the only one in the group to notice that they've switched to CFLs in
all of their lighting.

...you hope and pray for consistent temperatures between 60-80
degrees Farenheight throughout the year so that you don't have to use
any heating or cooling of which you haven't had the ability to
convince the rest of the family to switch to alternative forms of
energy such as wind, solar, or geothermal yet.

...you're in a supermarket shopping and you will only buy items grown
and produced within your state or within 200 miles at the most.

...you go to garage sales and collect every hand tool you can find
(and you're a female).

...you go to a mall with your friends or family, and you're upset and
depressed that there isn't a locally-owned store with locally-made
items in sight.

...you happen to have a trip calculator on your vehicle, so you
obsess over the mileage by constantly looking at the instant
miles/gallon at different speeds.

...you are upset that you can't ride your bicycle to work and back in
order to cut your oil consumption because it's not safe for a female
to ride through dark trails at 1:30 in the morning.

...you wonder if the river birch tree in your front yard is useful
for something besides shade.

...you can't understand why nobody else in the family is as
enthusastic as you are about solar cooking or using baking soda as a
toothpaste (or another of it's many uses).

...you're depressed because bubble wrap is losing its popularity as a
filler in packages because you could use it as insulation on your
windows for the winter.

...you scoff at your neighbors selection of inedible landscaping plants.

...you seriously consider building an in-floor vent system to provide
cold winter air to your refrigerator so you can eliminate another 500
watt hours per day of electric power consumption.

...when you have friends over during the winter they ask when you're
going to get the heater fixed.

...you consider a 200 square foot garden 'practice'.

...you consider "Cookin' with Home Storage" one of your most valuable
cookbooks

...you've ever ordered from Walton Foods.

...you have more than 20 pounds of honey, but no bees.

...people who see your pantry ask if you are preparing for the Tribulation.

...you choose stone wheels with a lifetime guarantee for your grain
mill, then buy two extra sets, just in case.

...you choose a half-ton 5hp stationary diesel engine from 1940 over the
brand new 15kw natural gas powered backup generator because the newer
model is too 'high tech'.

...you see a large Coi pond and immediately wonder how many calories per
year it would produce.

...you have livestock in your garage

...you skip right over "energy efficient" and research "hand-powered" .

...you wonder about the grazing potential of abandoned cornfields.

...you take your compass out to stake out a new outbuilding, to make
sure it's facing true south.

...you consider investing in draft harnesses - for your neighbor's horse.

...you suggest to your parents that they use your old toys in their
attic/basement as holiday gifts for your kids.

...you put a thermometer in your car on a sunny day, to see if it gets
hot enough for cooking.

...you buy antiques on eBay, and actually use them

...you can use words like Ghawar and Cantarell in conversation.

...you see animal traps in the store and think "potential food source!"

...you become more interested in vermiculture instead of vermicelli.

...the dandelions and chickweed in your lawn are healthier-looking than
the grass.

...you seriously consider turning your swimming pool into a fish pond.

...you wonder if the pet donkey you've had for 10 years can be trained to
pack :)

...you read about a massive leap in some energy technology and chuckle
to yourself "Go ahead SUCKERS - see how far it gets ya..."

...you walk past a playground and burst into tears, knowing in your
heart all those sweet little kids playing in the grass and swings and
monkey bars will all grow up and die of starvation and disease in a
dusty desert transit camp somewhere in Eastern Oregon.

...you consider a rapid and miserable global die-off an indisputable
and inevitable fact, rather than a horrible and unwanted contingency.

...you keep a "bug out bag" in your closet freshly stocked with bare
survival materials, imagining that you could actually survive in the
wilderness without help from other humans, as if any wilderness
actually existed within a walkable distance of your domicile, and as if
other people won't have the same idea in such circumstances and be
vastly better armed than yourself.

...you think survival is living big.

...you get busted for burglary for stealing oil from MickeyD's to power
your camoflaged diesel Rabbit pickup.

...you sell the diesel Rabbit pick up, figuring it'll only attract
attention from the roving hordes, anyway.

...you spit at people who drive SUVs, and when they complain, tell them
they're "lucky it wasn't a FREAKIN' BULLET YOU GAS GUZZLING MORON!!!"

...you engage ideas of the glass half full or half empty, when in point
of fact,the glass is simply too big.


Okay...these are a few liners we on the RunningOnEmpty3 discussion group have come up with! I've been invited to post some content on Groovy Green's website but I wasn't sure if this would be appropriate enough since the website focuses more on Green living than on peak oil. Just because one is "green", per se, or environmentally aware, doesn't always mean the same people are aware of peak oil, although they are closely interlinked when looking at the bigger picture.

Overall, I thought it would be fun to poke fun at ourselves (peak oil believers) with a little humor concerning a sometimes very serious subject. Those on ROE3 did a superb job of adding to this conglomeration of one liners! I'm sure we have all had some unorthodox thoughts transpire by and through our transcendance of learning more about resource depletion. If Groovy will take it, I might transfer it over there. Anybody have any other experiences with which they could provide additional funnies? I'm sure many could relate some strange thoughts they've had concerning the need to power down for the betterment of mankind!

2 comments:

Crispy said...

-You ask for a solar powered battery charger for christmas.

-You already always cook outside, over sticks you find in your yard.

-You invest in a simple recurve bow, and whittle your own arrows.

manik said...

recurve bows are much better